Monday, November 9, 2015

I sent him packing

The famous British magazine Private Eye used to carry a regular feature called Pseuds Corner in which they pilloried purple poetical prose or, piffle as the Brits call it. I have no idea whether the Corner or the magazine are extant but they would have had a field day with the inanities contained in this book.


"It's easy to get white wrong – it takes talent to get it right
This is possibly the most risible of the pieces of fustian I could fill this post with but I shall desist. Talent, my ass my eye – it takes lots of observation and a bit of hard work, more like!  

"In so much as I am living and breathing, I am a barometer of change. That's my job. Keeping current and being in fashion means to be in your time."  
This second quotation came pretty close to winning the prize but … I shall not dwell on it. 

"Rooms should reveal themselves gradually over time." 
Oh, riiiight! Oh, tautologous! 

It's the hokum of these platitudes that is so absurd to me because, after all, it's only furniture, fabric and a drop of paint. It ain't art or even religion with all its attendant gobbledygook and superstition – it's decorating, not magic! I've said it before and undoubtedly I'll say it again: decorators should stick to decorating and leave philosophy to philosophers (or that bloke down the pub). 

If one were to take the book and its contents at face value, one might suspect late-nineteenth-century mitten-Europa, with its middle-class Ringstrasse aesthetic and emphasis on blood-lines and family-trees, is popular in parts of the so-called upper-echelons or, rather, the monied sections, of American society. To some of us, the so-called non-worshipping classes, bullion-fringe tacked to mantlepieces – only one instance of a desperately Victorian-revival tone to the interiors, is a little too redolent of Franz-Josef and the mess he created and left behind. 

It isn't often I return a gift but, frankly, Jeffrey Bilhuber, American Master though subtitled notes on style and substance contained so little of either, in my opinion, I promptly had this gasbag of a book sent whence it came. 

So, I come to Sunday and a time when Barnaby Warboys allows me some time to write. The Celt is home and carries some of the burden task of being trained by a whippet pup, eight-months old, who continues to be be both delight and scourge. The wool and silk carpet for the living room came home after being cleaned, restored and guess what? Yup …you got it. As did the carpet in full force.    


There Barny sat, Saturday night, as we had guests in for a nightcap, sorry for himself a little because he is ill, excited a little because we had guests and he likes company. After a while, first opening the bedroom door, he took himself off to bed then, curiosity getting the best of him, came back to say goodnight at the end of the evening.  



Our continuing search for a suitable country place – two bedroom, two bathrooms, with enough land for Barny to run free – has only brought the realization that what we envisage will have to be built. We began to lean towards a cabin combined with the contemporary. The one cabin we found had, after a long time for sale, been sold only two days before. Charming as it was – and it was – old as it was – and it was (1840) – really wouldn't have been the most felicitous for Barny or me. 


We both (The Celt and I, for Barny is silent on the matter) reached the conclusion that at any price-point (as the jargon goes) what is available, for our taste, is too traditional and evocative of a mountain setting. And why not? you may ask. Well, evocation of any place is not quite what we have in mind – The Celt is Scottish by birth and I am from Lancashire but neither of these facts should suggest a leaning towards tartans, antlers, cairngorm or macramed oatmeal or, in fact, anything else considered ethnic to either of our backgrounds. Heritage has no need of touristic flourishes the equivalent of monogrammed shirt cuffs. 


Perhaps these two views of a sitting room from a chalet in the French Alps designed by Mlinaric, Henry and Zervudachi visually explains my meaning. There is a lack of obvious references to place or function: no crossed snow-shoes above the fireplace; no antler furniture; no pinecone lampbases; no rawhide lampshades; in fact, none of the decorative cliches one has come to expect of decoration of a certain ilk. It is that lack of reference to locality that is particularly refreshing in comparison to the interiors we saw as we viewed houses in the mountains and online. 


If our country sitting room is to reflect anything it is our family – the three of us – not the mountains, not Scotland, not Lancashire and certainly not some spurious idea of what English decoration is or even what American decoration is. 

Which brings me to a subject I want to discuss in the coming post. American decorating. We read a lot about it, and how special it is. Is it just American exceptionalism and isolationism or is American decorating special?  

30 comments:

  1. I saw this book recently on another blog and though it was balderdash - good of you to come out and say it. As always, the pictures of your elegant animal are delightful. We were very depressed this weekend when we thought our own had been catnapped. Fortunately, he had just been inadvertently locked into a closet in then entrance to the building for 15 hours. Curiosity, you know.
    (I almost hope no one utters a word about American decoration and await your comments.)

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    1. 15 hours locked in a closet! Poor cat! He must have gone demented or maybe he just slept through the whole time unworried. I know how bad I felt when Barny decided to go AWOL so you really must have felt bad.

      You can read about an interview with this decorator, should you wish, in the House archive of The New York Social Diary. Good to hear from you, as always. Hope you're doing well.

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  2. My husband has a friend who is 78 years old—10 years older than my husband—who told him that the last year he worked when he was amidst all of the inane, boring, repetitive things he had to do on the job those were precious days, hours, minutes he would never have back. He resented it deeply! Bravo to you to saying no to bores, YES! to Barny, Why not? to a country place that makes the three of you feel at home—defined by yourselves.

    As I continue in my redo from hell, I continue to get the raised eyebrows, the "that's not usual", "what about resell?" I simply say I'm too old for beige.

    p.s. I think you should write about how a whippet trained you and the Celt. He's getting to be quite the looker!

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    1. "precious days, hours, minutes he would never have back" – so interesting how that feeling grows as one ages and with it the knowledge that time really is finite. There seem to me to be so many reasons trained into us for not living life to the full - from birth, and some never get out from under.

      You are right to ignore resale – our mountain realtor could not believe that we were not interested in a view and stated we would have difficulty reselling any place we bought or built. I couldn't be bothered to argue.

      I suspect, ma'am, you've always been too old for beige! Here's to you!

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  3. Pseuds Corner is alive and well. Some of these would work rather well in the Luvvies section too.

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    1. Anonymous, thank you. I am so out of touch – I only hope Pseuds Corner and Luvvies are online.

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  4. I laughed so hard, Mr. Husband—away in another room—asked if I was ok. Indeed, I am. You are a delight.

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    1. Daniel, thank you. Good to hear from you. Barny woofs a big hello!

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  5. Your review had me giggling.

    I adore how Barny is opening doors with such ease. Although I know it also gave you the biggest fright that one time. I would advise you still hide the keys because you never know.

    I do agree that holiday homes seem to be a place where decorating becomes a pastiche. Beach and mountain homes are usually the guiltiest. Lake homes don't suffer the syndrome as much oddly.

    I can not wait for your next post!
    All the best

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    1. I have decided that Barny and I should put his skills to use – burglary school, perhaps (maybe I've already said that somewhere) but he is reluctant. He reminds me he now has not only a neighborhood fanbase but an online one and that reputation once sullied – a phrase he constantly throws at me is "Caesar's woof!'

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  6. I'm going to look forward to your next post. I feel American decorating is very different from the rest of the world, for a number of reasons. Some things are better (a better understanding of seating groupings in general I'd say, better lighting), other things not so good (can be too 'done', too matchy, too contrived).
    Thank you for the book review, which I will now avoid like the plague. My most disappointing book text wise was "The Home Within Us" by Bobbie McAlpine. Babbling, incoherent text. I stopped reading, looked at the pictures and then shelved it for reference when I'm next doing a tricky roof.
    Barny is a clever dog, and is training his owners well!

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    1. "The Home Within Us" is utter tripe – I bought it at the book-signing event held at the shop owned by friends (I felt I had to support them) and I cannot say I did anything other than cringe at the drivel written in it. I have no liking for the man or his decorating.

      Barny is lying in the sun at the moment having complained about the effect mustard yellow and turquoise have as a background on a blue-fawn whippet. I told him to shut it and move.

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    2. I was so looking forward to a lecture by McAlpine and it was the most boring thing I've ever sat through. He wandered around most of the topics without a clue, spoke in free verse and talked so quietly, one could barely hear him. I was so worried i would keel over snoring, i had to leave.

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    3. I have met that individual three times and I'm completely put off. As to the interiors the firm produces I am underwhelmed. Luckily, I haven't had your experience because I have avoided it.

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  7. I'm sure you'll follow the design scheme of the French chalet and have a white, (even a talented right white) carpet for the dear Barny to make his mark. I have two new light coloured floor coverings - a jute carpet under the dining table and a jute runner in the hallway to the bedrooms, (the old seagrass there previously was rained down upon by the aircon systems water pump in the ceiling above; the dining room seagrass had the majority of a bucket of soapy water deposited on it by the maid cleaning the windows). I expect it will only be a matter of time before they are christened by some event or other; take comfort in the fact that your rug had a more pleasurable "contributor" to its latest design.

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    1. Yes, a "talented right white" carpet is exactly what Barny needs – and if I do get one it will be made of nylon tile and can be taken up in individual pieces and sluiced off. He is a magnificent dog who at eight-months old is learning the ropes of human life and is coping well.

      Seagrass is terrific but not, despite its name, water friendly. Sisal is not something I like having grown up with it in the kitchen and jute I'm not familiar with - it not having been usual in the States for a long time. Wool is the absolute best for stain resistance and durability but I would think in your climate not so much what is needed.

      Our library carpet which was seagrass is now replaced with Flor carpet tile (nylon and recyclable) which can be picked up and washed and replaced within hours.

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  8. Oh Blue, you are a mess - as in a good way. American decor? I can't wait to hear about it. Though I've perused all decorating and design mags for nearly 30 years, I couldn't tell ou what it is. Ralph Lauren perhaps? Too dark and dismal for me. In my new city house it is all whites and creams and neutrals. Remember some of us do love our collections and things. I have stuff I'd never part with no matter the decor. But, that Barnaby is the real treasure. I have a collection of all antique paintings, prints, porcelain figurines of dogs and cats that I group together and have yet to find the place at the new city house.

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    1. Donna, your collections are exactly what makes decorating a house personal and take it beyond national and regional boundaries. We read of Mrs Parrish decluttering her clients' places "traying" as it was called and many a desecrator/blogger was impressed by that piece of insolence. Find places for what pleases you – the Victorians had etageres and whatnots so don't forget those.

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  9. Dear Blue,
    You are on the mark about this decorator palaver. It's just another marketing spin to sell one's services. Delighted you called it out. I clicked on the Mlinaric portfolio and it's a treat. Would hire them in a trice if only I had the money.
    Look forward to your observations about American decor.
    My thanks for your wise words.

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    1. I know longer know who is left at Mlinaric, Henry and Zervudachi – I know Mlinaric retired and Zervudachi is in Paris so perhaps Henry carries on the London branch – but like you, if I could afford them my country place would be theirs and my town place would be Bruce Budd's.

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  10. I should have guessed you were a Lancashire Lad, as was Madam and my husband - it's that quick and piercing wit...

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    1. Anonymous, thank you. Eh, lass, it's just a bit of plain speaking, nowt else.

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  11. Fatuous Designer Wisdom Quotes aside, you haven't told us what you made of Mr Bilhuber's work.

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    1. "…desperately Victorian-revival tone to the interiors, is a little too redolent of Franz-Josef and the mess he created … was about as far as I was prepared to go in this post because Bilhuber is perfect for inclusion in the blog post about American decorating. Do I think him a bad designer? No, definitely not! Does he have equals or betters? That is something I want to find out.

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    2. I knew I had read about him quite recently, but could not remember where, and then I did:

      http://www.newyorksocialdiary.com/decorator-series/2015/jeffrey-bilhuber

      Make of it what you will; perhaps you would like to tape him to the wall. His own, I think.

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  12. Quite a review Blue! Personally, and isn't that what it's all about, I liked the book, (ps, since it is obvious I am the "other blog" with the quotations of balderdash),and not just because it was sent to me by the publisher! I have refused those books that I can not do any thing with-mainly write about with some fairness, and honesty-"say something nice"-something I try to adhere to-fool I may be, I hope I never get that old. After toiling, yes toiling over a book for over a year, plus working to get it published, and it still goes on, I have more tolerance for -A Book. Granted, JB did not write it-only the tiresome philosophies. But really aren't the blogs written about decorating an attempt to glorify, wax sentimental about our rooms, our mates, and canine pals, our process, etc etc, attempts at getting it right, sharing our mistakes-by Us and the dogs, all a bit of philosophizing? It's romantic, all of it, while JB's words may ring a bit off to you-don't you think at one time, You may have said, Oh God, Room please reveal yourself to me, else wise everything here will have to be trashed! pgt

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    1. I have given up the "say something nice" school of criticism because it seems to me there is no point to it. There are a number of blogs that make a pretense of being habitually chic by doing or saying nothing original and I, for one, despise that kind of behavior. Your blog, Gaye, isn't like that and mine is becoming more and more a reflection or echo, if you will, of my inner voice.

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    2. True, and to that point-Some people are truly pretentious, self absorbed, and I still thoroughly enjoy reading their blogs,books, etc. I take it as it comes-tossing it out if need be. I applaud you for following your voice-there is no other way to make a blog sustainable. At its best it becomes a journal of sorts-and while self absorbed I fear, for it is, and I am guilty of the same, others do find it readable, credible, and sometimes a reflection of their own thoughts- or those they adopt for lack of a direction themselves.

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  13. ha! excellent review! They lost me at the title of that book. That quote about white really gets my goat. I think of white rooms as a total cop-out. Traditional, versatile, and cowardly. Meanwhile I think American decorating is fun. We have bigger spaces and straight floors and no boundaries. (sorry to not comment in so long, I've been lurking)

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    1. I shall get back to you especially about the "no boundaries" in a post, probably. Your comment, with all its assumptions, intrigues me no end.

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